The concept of being rejected is fairly terrifying for most individuals—it’s proper up there with a root canal. However lately, TikTok creators have tried to ease their worry of rejection with an unorthodox follow: deliberately in search of a “no” (sure, critically) in hopes of turning into extra comfy with it.
Dubbed “rejection remedy,” this pattern is much like publicity remedy—or regularly exposing your self to the stuff you worry and just about keep away from in any respect prices. Of their seek for rejection, creators are taking daring (and generally foolish) dangers. They’re requesting $100 from strangers, asking to make an announcement on a retailer intercom, and even attempting to get a gown without spending a dime.
Whereas rejection remedy isn’t scientific or medically studied like publicity remedy, it’d enable you to understand that you just can survive rejection.
So, is there any advantage to this pattern? (Spoiler alert: not at all times!) Learn on for a therapist’s tackle when it could actually assist, together with some suggestions:
What’s rejection remedy (and the place did it come from)?
Rejection remedy was coined in 2009 by entrepreneur and Zero to Superhero creator Jason Comely. After his spouse left him, he started isolating himself—and shortly realized that wasn’t serving to. Comely believed a worry of rejection was behind the urge to distance himself from others and needed to beat it. So he created a gamified model of rejection remedy, during which he made playing cards which have rejection “dares,” so to talk.
Associated Tales
The time period was later popularized in a 2017 TED Discuss by Jia Jiang, creator of Rejection Proof: How I Beat Worry and Turned Invincible By 100 Days of Rejection.
Right now, the idea of rejection remedy goes viral on TikTok. In case you mix the TikTok movies tagged as “rejection remedy” and “100 days of rejection,” you’ll see virtually 6,000 movies listed.
Some folks discover worth within the expertise regardless of lackluster outcomes. For instance, TikTok creator Sisanda CJ, who requested a free gown, didn’t obtain it. “I didn’t die,” she says within the video. “The world didn’t crumble… I really feel like I may do something and obtain something. That is good. Be a part of me for day two.”
The worry of rejection is actual
The anxiousness earlier than a giant request or threat is pure—and fairly widespread. Virtually 75 p.c of individuals are decidedly or reasonably risk-averse, based on a 2003 examine revealed within the journal Medical Determination Making. Girls, in the meantime, usually tend to keep away from dangers, per a current examine revealed within the British Journal of Psychology.
That’s definitely comprehensible. Confession: When somebody tries to persuade me to do one thing—like set a wholesome boundary with a member of the family—they are saying, “The worst they’ll say is not any,” and my Scorpio comes out, which is to say I am stuffed with fieriness. I wish to reply, “Precisely! They may very effectively say no, and that’s terrifying!”
This will lengthen to varied areas of our lives. Asking a brand new crush on a date? No thanks. Asking for a increase? Possibly I’ll simply accept a subpar wage.
There’s even a phenomenon known as rejection sensitivity dysphoria, during which folks have an intense emotional response to rejection, each actual and perceived. (That comes proper for the jugular, doesn’t it?) However know this: avoiding potential rejection can imply sacrificing nice alternatives. You may’t get what you don’t ask for.
In a single TikTok video, creator Maureen Evelyn, who goes by the moniker Maureen the Content material Coach, defined that she tried to get rejected as many instances as potential. At one level, she utilized to a advertising and marketing company job that mandated a school diploma and several other years of expertise, which she doesn’t have. However, she obtained it. Her takeaway? “In case you wanna do one thing, apply!”
A therapist’s tackle rejection remedy—and if it is for you
Can rejection remedy really reduce our rejection woes? “It may well assist shoppers transfer past their consolation zones and construct their confidence,” says Marisha Mathis, LCSW, a licensed scientific social employee with Thriveworks in Raleigh, North Carolina, who focuses on shallowness, anxiousness, and coping abilities.
It creates a wholesome tolerance for “no,” Mathis provides. “Some folks worry rejection a lot that they won’t observe their desires or wishes. Repeated publicity to ‘no’ helps construct resistance to unfavourable associations with rejection.”
It may be helpful in sure conditions. Mathis lists instances if you’re prone to shut down, hand over, or be consumed by unfavourable ideas, like these days when you may’t construct up the braveness to converse with somebody at a group health class or worry expressing a opposite opinion at dinner.
Scientific psychologist John Duffy recommends itemizing all of the fears that may stand in the way in which of your targets. On this YouTube clip on rejection remedy, he advocates beginning with small, straightforward dangers to construct up braveness. “Slowly work your means up that hierarchy till the stuff will get a bit of more durable,” says Duffy.
Nonetheless, Mathis additionally warns towards conditions during which rejection remedy isn’t the reply—and will even backfire. (Additionally, you wish to be respectful of individuals’s boundaries and time.) Mathis urges not participating in rejection remedy if:
- You’ve an awesome diploma of trauma, and rejection remedy may set off that unresolved trauma.
- Your shallowness is rocky, and repeated rejection may additional harm it.
- The opposite particular person expresses that they don’t wish to work together.
- You’re in environments the place it might be inappropriate, like at work.
- You’ve social anxiousness that might be exacerbated by rejection remedy.
Additionally, be conscious of your mindset moving into. “You shouldn’t have interaction in rejection remedy with out reflecting on the explanations for rejection and your emotions round it,” Mathis says. “Rejection remedy can turn into mechanical and unproductive. It may neutralize the unique intent for emotional development or self-awareness.”
In any other case, she in the end encourages giving it a shot. “You don’t need to take part within the pattern to report or submit it, however if you happen to do battle with rejection, this might be a proactive technique to make rejection damage much less when it does occur.”
Once more, it’s most likely finest to see the rejection remedy pattern for what it’s: a barely humorous (and generally useful) technique to curtail anxiousness round dates, for instance. For extra extreme assist with anxiousness, speaking to a therapist might be your finest guess. If they’ve a full caseload and “reject” you with a referral, effectively, that’s one other day of rejection remedy within the books.
